Do you ever get really frustrated at God because of an area you refuse to grow in? Or, is it just me? I tell you what! God and I would get along so much better if He would just ... (kidding!)
Okay, so here's me. Really excited about staff conference, right? We get in there and Ben and I have some small little tiff about food manners. I'm annoyed. Then, the first thing that's said is a challenge..."why are you here?" What do I do? Do I prayerfully reflect on my heart and ask Jesus what He has for me during this time? No! I say to myself, "why am I here? I don't have anything to offer? God isn't using me..." and on it goes...down the spiral of lies to a full fledged pity party. And, it's only minutes into the conference!
The day does not improve as my attitude continues to suck (sorry for those of you who do not like that word). Loren and Darlene Cunningham (founders of YWAM) both spoke to us that day. Loren shared about how God spoke to him on several occasions- literally saving his life. Was I impressed with God? No! I was angry that I don't hear Him like that. Was I amazed at how God brought this ministry from a group of 5 young people to many groups totaling 19,000 men and women of all ages? No! I was mad that I didn't see God moving me toward ministry in Russia.
Looking back, I am thankful God didn't strike me down with lightning right then and there! He did, however, teach me a few valuable lessons. #1 You really waste valuable time having a bad attitude toward your Creator #2 When you're pre-occupied with being mad at God, you miss some of the blessings He has for you #3 God speaks to Loren because He knows Loren will listen to Him. When I keep my focus on God, He speaks to me too #4 God will not give me more than I can handle. He wants me to be ready to go to Russia. Therefore, I must actively wait...passing the smaller tests that are placed in my way in the mean time
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